“Don’t worry”, the advice most given and least taken
How many times a day do you offer and receive the “don’t worry” piece of advice? How often did you want to help yourself or someone else stop worrying? And how often did you succeed? We are inherently so well trained to worry. We worry about hurting someone’s feelings by saying something inappropriate, about not being able to meet deadlines, about finances, children’s academic progress, passing exams, that big presentation, the inevitable dinner with the in-laws, etc….
How do we worry? Essentially, our 5 senses will feed information about a specific situation to our brains so that our brains would do its job of rationalizing it. However, within this process, the incoming information goes through the filter of perception and experience, before it reaches the stage of rationalization. If our experience flags a situation as alarming or potentially dangerous, our body releases the hormone adrenaline and we switch to a state commonly known as fight or flight. This state refers to our intuitive inclination to either fight a threat, which in terms of day to day behavior could be expressed by being angry or argumentative, or fleeing a threat by attempting to withdraw from the situation.
Being in such a high intensity emotional state is not exactly a resourceful state of being unless danger is imminent. Otherwise, we are much better off being in a low intensity emotional state, especially if we need to plan, think something through or make an important decision. NLP (Neuro linguistic programming), a powerful behavioral change management tool, provides us with a technique to shift from a “worrisome” or anxious state of mind to a relaxed one through a process called anchoring.
Next time you feel worried or anxious try this; recall something that makes you happy, like an occasion, a moment, a person or a landscape. Reach out with all your senses so you are there, feeling what you felt, seeing what you saw, hearing what you heard, etc…. When you achieve a satisfying level of involvement, do a subtle gesture (of your choice), like tapping your knee or touching your thumb and your middle finger, hold the gesture while continuing your emotional engagement in your recollection. When the feelings subside, release the gesture and repeat until you feel “unworried” and relaxed.
The next time you catch yourself getting worked up about the same issue or something else, repeat the gesture and you will see that in time, that happy and relaxed emotional state will be easily summoned to your rescue. After all, we all know that worry doesn’t help. Being relaxed enables us to see choices that otherwise seem to hide behind the stone wall of worry and anxiety. Not only are you now better equipped to take up that advice “Don’t worry”, but this simple exercise is a gift that you can pass on, and it goes a long way. Happy anchoring!